i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize