she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
