she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
