So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
