I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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