bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
