Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
