Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
People in love make me want to vomit
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize