He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
