don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize