So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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