So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
