I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
