He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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