Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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