if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
