Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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