the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
