so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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