Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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