oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
