I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
