if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
