my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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