I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
