Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
