Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
