I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
