so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize