Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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