So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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