your thong is hanging out like whoa
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
