Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize