He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
