Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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