So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
