I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
