he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
