so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
