am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
