I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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