so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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