C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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