I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
