She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
