my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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