So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
how does that bad decision feel?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
