Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
