Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
