I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
