He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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