You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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