two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
