Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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