boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
