so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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