id be glad to
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
