i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
