I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
