Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
