can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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