What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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