I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
