So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
