is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize