Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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