Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
