Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
