i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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