im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What a dumb baby whore.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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