he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
