Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
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