about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
