My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
