he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
